Ship questions on the workplace, cash, careers and work-life steadiness to workfriend@nytimes.com. Embrace your identify and placement, even in order for you them withheld. Letters could also be edited.

I’ve an ideal storm of psychological and bodily defects. I can’t preserve my feelings off my face. I’ve nerve harm in my left leg, hip and mid-lower again from spinal wire decompression surgical procedures. Opiates don’t work.

I’ve had again issues since 2002. I understand how to deal with ache. I can work via it, however my face betrays me. Of us at work see me grimacing and really feel horrible for me. Once I try (and fail) to suppress the grimace, they really feel even worse, considering they sense how courageous and honorably pitiable I’m, and the way a lot it should actually damage, since I can’t cowl it up.

My job contains talking. Individuals don’t consider that I imply what I say as a result of my face “tells them” I’m unable to provide concentrated thought as a result of my struggling. I’m not solely not taken actually, I’m generally not even taken significantly. Once I get mad as a result of somebody doesn’t consider me, they are saying the ache is making me disagreeable and grumpy. In reality, it’s their very own disregard of my vocal utterances that upsets me.

I work at a medical clinic. I’ve to speak in individual. However my pals say, “I do know you need to attend the month-to-month assembly, however nobody needs you there since you make everybody really feel so dangerous due to your ache. They usually don’t actually take heed to you both, since they’ll’t cease desirous about how a lot you have to be struggling. So simply go house!”

Is that this an previous male’s model of the large-breasted girl not being taken significantly?

— Jake

A big-breasted girl is probably not typecast as a courageous, sympathetic determine, however she is more likely to have some expertise with again ache, on high of different injustices. Though her slighting is rooted in sexism, not good intentions, I wager she feels a comparable resentment.

Your account made me consider the dolphin’s smile — that cetaceous skeletal quirk that the former “Flipper” coach Ric O’Barry, now an anti-captivity activist, deems “nature’s best deception” as a result of it creates the phantasm of perpetual happiness. The mirror picture of your bother.

I can solely think about how irritating your job is. I additionally perceive that strangers imagining perception into your existence is the drawback. In pursuit of sensible recommendation, I shared your letter with my father, a retired bus driver and librarian with a ardour for small speak, in addition to extreme mobility and ache points. (When he walks, it’s usually with two canes. His progress is labored, however he’s nice at recognizing dropped change.)

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